Cal: [talking about Trish being a grandma] You should f*** her and then have her send you $12 on your birthday. All other logos, screen captures and trademarks are property of their David: Remember that time we made love and you just started crying in my arms? I dated this whore for like two years... and she stomped all over my heart. Jay: All right, man. Okay? 40 Year Old Virgin T-Shirt ... Visit store. Meet the cast and learn more about the stars of The 40 Year Old Virgin with exclusive news, pictures, videos and more at TVGuide.com ... Kevin Hart Smart Tech Customer. Beth: We have a great section of do-it-yourself. Trish: All right, I'll see you later, James. I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it for the price of... on the house. Andy Stitzer: Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses? Jay: He sold his old toys for over half a million dollars! Beth: We have a lot of books, so maybe it depends on what you like. Smart Tech Customer: This shit just got real! Free shipping. Take the Quiz: 40-Year-Old Virgin. Jay: My girlfriend Jill found *your* speed dating card. See other items. Andy Stitzer: You know, I just kinda hung out. I was born in Brooklyn. Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, Seth, please! 'Cause I wanna have naughty intercourse with you. Smart Tech Customer: Well, 'aight, check this out, dawg. Jay: [after seeing someone get slaughtered in a movie on the widescreen TV displays] Woah! [about how he knew the prostitute was really a transvestite]. Andy Stitzer: [walks up quickly] Good afternoon! Paula: You're such a smartass. I gotta respect that. And we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to a show. Haziz: Today's forecast? Most of photos on this page are stills from the DVD of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" That's never the case. $495 (approx. Cal: You know what's a fun game? Andy Stitzer: She had hands as big as Andre the Giant's, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. - The 40 Year Old Virgin Smart Tech Store January of this year my girlfriend and I had planned a romantic weekend in Ventura, California. Halloween. I wanna shave your head. [Pans to video of girls in bathing suits] Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday. Andy Stitzer: Yeah! You're f***ing with the wrong sand nigga! Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. Andy Stitzer: You know what my problem is? Andy Stitzer: [after his co-workers figure out that he's a virgin, he tries to deny it] You guys... are up... your... asses. This Andy Stitzer: [following David to the front door] Take your box o' porn! I didn't even know you girls talked like that. Andy Stitzer: No, you know what? Nothing against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo B There" one more time, I'm going to "Yah Mo" burn this place to the ground. $15.99. The stock supervisor of Smart Tech store Andy is a nice guy and good colleague. Did you write this stuff? I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Item Number. Quantity. Andy Stitzer: They're not f***ing toys! I'm gonna talk dirty to you. You framed an Asia poster? Como se llama! Cal: No. Andy Stitzer: I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment. It's suffering and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight and then you put back on weight, and then you, you know, you call them a bunch of times and you try and email, and then they move or they change their email, but that's just love. You want a slurpee?" My accent is a f***ing Brooklyn accent, okay? Scumbag! This product is pre-treated to ensure quality and longevity of the graphic. The 40 year Old Virgin - Jay and Kevin Hart SmartTech scene Posted by Street Hawk on 6/7/17 at 1:29 am 37 1 LINK "I'm gonna need that extended warranty for the price of... on the house"? Andy Stitzer: You should keep your ho on a leash. Below the picture is David's name. Badges like this one can be seen handled and worn by Andy and the rest of the Smart Tech staff throughout the film as numerous scenes take place in the fictional store. Andy Stitzer: [Calling to Trish, who is out of the room] Do you mind if I use your, uh, magnum? We are not coming to your f***ing party okay? Jay: I can't let you be talking to my woman that way, dawg. He's practically stalking me. Cal: Listen, when I was growing pot, I realized that the more seeds I planted, the more pot I could ultimately smoke. Where are you going with such haste? Andy Stitzer: Ahh... wow. They're the freshmaker. Cal: I touched a guy's balls once in Hebrew School. But, hey, that's her journey, you know. Because you like Asia. Andy Stitzer: [after getting a strip of wax ripped from his chest] AAAH! Isn't that sweet? Cal: How much have you had to drink, man? Andy Stitzer: Do you like to do it yourself? You never told me that before. Leave us alone, will you? Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. Andy Stitzer: I hope you have a big trunk... because I'm puttin' my bike in it. Cal: 'Cause I watched this movie called "Liar Liar" and the message was, "*Don't* lie." I mean in me, Andy. Watch the language, okay? Cal: [Andy turns away and Cal mimics blowing his own brains out with a finger pistol]. Andy Stitzer: Thanks. That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. I'm sorry. All conversions presented are approximate. David: No, I'm not gay. Cal: You think "A woman f***in' a horse" and you get there and... it's a woman f***ing a horse. Jay: Nastiest shit you've ever done? You're f***ing with the wrong nigga! [walks away]. Andy Stitzer: [just had chest hair ripped off by waxing lady] Fuuuuck! I went to magic camp? David: My uncle used to drive a ho-runner. Mooj: I apologize, but it's too late. Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? 40 Year Old Virgin: thisyourboy.mp3 (558 K) To download as a ringtone put the URL below into your cell phone's browser: (Not all cell phones support this feature.) You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more. What, Seth, you think you're cool with your little Jew Fro? Andy Stitzer: I'm not getting bitter. Because it was goin' downhill straight from there. Andy Stitzer: [defending himself from Trish's comments on him riding a bicycle] Einstein rode a bike! Web. clustered near the Ventura Freeway. Nothing beats a plasma. All conversions presented are approximate. She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody, that's... that's love, man. It's about connections. David: I just want to get drunk, *f***ed up*, and play some cards! Andy Stitzer: What the f*** are you talking about? So why don't you back the shit off, all right? Cal: How? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says, "I like it when balls are in my face.". This is how it's gonna go. It was a good weekend. Andy Stitzer: I think I've got all the advice I can handle right now. Andy Stitzer: [talking to himself, whilst riding his bicycle] Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. Cause you're gay? You test her with this shit, okay? Andy's (Steve Carrell) production-made Smart Tech badge from Judd Apatow's 2005 comedy The 40 Year Old Virgin. Jay: Listen, you don't want no baby daddy drama. David: F*** off, Haziz. Database development by Magic Web Solutions. Anything. At a poker game with his co-workers David, Cal, and Jay, when conversation turns to past sexual exploits, they learn that Andy is still a virgin and resolve to help him lose his virginity. Smart Tech Customer: [points at Andy] You just got f***ed up with him. That's enough! So, shit, man... f*** it! I'm really excited about it. & Conditions. So, if he was in good shape, he could actually bicycle to work... More movie locations! Hey, how many pots have you smoken? David: You know how I know you're gay? I can smoke out here if I want. First of all, you throwin' too many big words at me, and because I don't understand them, I'm gonna take 'em as disrespect. 372081213966. David: I don't care. Why weren't we invited to the party? Does that come in a V-neck? David: Did you just flick me in the balls? Porn Star: [Andy is trying to fantasize about a porn star while masturbating] Hi Andy. Mooj: Hey, hey! Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy! This is graphic. Mooj: Hey, hey! Trish: He had a wife, who he f***ed, by the way! David it's not... just... just... David: [shouting] Andy for the last time, I don't want your giant box of pornography! that black actor was hilarious. Cal: That's because I'm not an arrogant prick, Andy. It's okay not to have sex. I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, he made a fool of himself. Cal: Because you're gay so you can tell who the gay people are. Badges like this one can be seen handled and worn by David and the rest of the Smart Tech staff throughout the film as numerous scenes take place in the fictional store. Watch your mouth and help me with the sale. Brooklyn, okay? Andy Stitzer: Who the... Who the f*** are you to put me on trial? Paula: Andy. *Really* look at me. I am ugly as f*** by traditional standards, but, I get with women. Andy Stitzer: Ow! Mooj: [Mooj has a very definite Indian accent] Oh, turban, now! item comes with a Prop Store Certificate of David: No... [continues shouting] Uncool? Cal: It was really giving it to her. Mooj: This is bullshit! Uh, for the first time today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD that you've been playing for two years straight off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain. Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. Why don't you do that, huh? Personalize it with photos & text or purchase as is! David: There's some really great stuff in here. Boy at Health Clinic: [discussing alternative sex practices at a health clinic] I prefer vaginal intercourse. I just didn't like you! Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? We don't say 'tap that.' Do you realize that the 300 pound guy would kick my ass if he knew why he wasn't hired? That I'm an accomplished ventriloquist? Jay: I will hang your old ass by your turban! This item will ship from our Los Angeles location. Yeah... right. Andy Stitzer: [cuts to Andy reading a comic book] [laughs] Oh my god... Health Clinic Counselor: Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. Quotes.net. Smart Tech Customer: Now, don't be a negro, be my nigga. You was lookin' for a nigga? Trish: [on the bed, kissing] Do you have protection? 40 Year Old Virgin Smart Tech Gray Costume Polo Shirt. Cal: [David's character explodes] F*** you! Mooj: You will receive none of the commission. You tell her you're a virgin. And then, her kid walked in the room... Jay: Woah. David: You like the movie "Maid in Manhattan". Here, tell me. What is she going to think when she comes in here? Andy Stitzer: I won't... unless you want to be told on, Beth. I should've hired a 300-lb guy to lift the 60-inch flat screen, but instead I hired a hot girl who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. Smart Tech Customer: Wait, wait, wait, last thing, last thing. Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson! Mark: [on finding Andy in Trish's bed with a dozen opened condoms] Dude. I served him. It's written, it's a code written in his DNA, says, "Tackle the gazelle." Oh, I *am* the Seventh Degree Imperial Yo-Yo Master. SMART TECH 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN Trucker Hat mesh hat snap back hat The Two Tone Foam Trucker Hat has a constructed structured fit, it's a 5-panel baseball cap featuring insulated mesh rear panels and a foam crown. Dad at Health Clinic: [pats his son proudly on the back] He really does. We get there and we think it's gonna be awesome and... it is not as cool as it sounds like it's gonna be. Andy Stitzer: [stretches condom over arm] Wow. ... and he rallied for her to play his very forward boss at Smart Tech. Jay: No, no, he don't need no help! Jill: [to Jay] You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. fit male, so I ordered a Large and it actually fits like a Large (And I will never tire of celebrating this rare miracle when ordering clothing on Amazon!!) David: I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. Andy Stitzer: [motioning to David's box of porn] I don't want this stuff, okay? Paula: [of David's video camera antics] He's performing a public colonoscopy. I'm just celibate. Andy Stitzer: I'm a virgin. And you can tell who other gay people are? [pause] Tell me, what's Curious George like in real life? Cal: Sweet! Go f*** a goat! Shop Smart Tech 40 year old virgin T-Shirt created by strk3. Andy Stitzer: Oh, how many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? Jay: Yeah, well, aim high, Willis. Wait. David: [of his ex] Yeah... she was adorable... f***in' bitch. Order your very own Be David Caruso In Jade 40 Year Old Virgin Smart Tech Quote T Shirt. Party's over... [to Andy] Let the virgin get back to work! It's a mixtape of all my favorite boner scenes in the summer of 2003. 3 Feb. 2021. I need genital to genital connections! Mooj: Everybody dick look big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick look big on TV. Andy Stitzer: You know what? Cal: And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. Andy Stitzer: Jay thinks you're a pot head. Mooj: [to Jay] Tell me something, when your child is born, is he already on parole? And then, by the time I was done, I didn't really feel like like eating it. Good afternoon! Shit. For all you know, he in prison right now. F*** you! Andy Stitzer: I should pull up the hardwood to see if there's carpet underneath. You have a tiny penis... Cal: Here's what you do. That's not me. He's a little slow, but he got it. Smart Tech Customer: It don't f***ing matter! 8622002 Registered Office: Great House Farm, Chenies, Rickmansworth, Herts, WD3 6EP Country of The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) - Kevin Hart as Smart Tech Customer - IMDb. David: Know why you're gay? Promotions, Prop Mooj: Holy shit, man, you got to get on that! It's a personal choice and I don't think it's weird at all. Prices do not include shipping and handling or any local taxes and duties that may be applied by your local government. David: Dude, you look like a man-o-lantern. What are you talking about, Seth? I couldn't get the condoms to work, and one of them exploded on my balls. Cool cool. Mooj: Life is about people. In the film, a middle-aged man embarks on a quest with his friends to lose his virginity. Item Information. Cal: If she starts waxing his pubes, I'm outta here. David: [the same Michael McDonald sampler DVD has been playing on all of the television screens for the last two years] If I have to hear "Yamo Be There" one more time, I'm going to "Yamo" burn this place to the ground. Andy Stitzer: That's worth a lot of money. Andy Stitzer: I need some poon! David: [David loses second match] Goddamnit! Mooj: You know what? Look... you still covering my shift on Friday or what? Dad at Health Clinic: You know what your problem is? I love women! However, rather shrewdly, they have made a concerted effort to balance the tale’s obvious sexual aspects with characters that remain decent and grounded, despite being off-the-wall. https://www.quotes.net/movies/the_40_year_old_virgin_quotes_143798, I Got Ants in My Pants (And I Want to Dance), Kindness in the words that you speak reverberates in the hearts of th…, If you do not get the brilliance you expect from the sun during dayti…. Everybody says you gotta check out one of these shows. Andy Stitzer: You guys, she's picking me up in an hour. You know, I may not have had sex, but I could f*** you up. Cal: Okay, okay, it doesn't matter if you're ugly as f***, or you're ugly as shit. Cal: No. Andy Stitzer: What? Andy Stitzer: [about Beth] That woman scares the shit out of me! Both ya'll niggas gonna get clapped up when I get back. See what I'm sayin? David: You know how I know that you're gay? Andy Stitzer: And I didn't have any bread. What did you get up to? Boy at Health Clinic: Sounds like my Friday night. I don't know what to say... because I AM YOU! Andy Stitzer: [calms down very quickly] Gosh, I am so sorry. Look at me: looks are not important. Cal: I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once. The Smart Tech set looked like pretty much any generic mall electronics store, with the walls of TVs and the demo room and the display racks. Each design is offered on a variety of sizes and colors. She'll like that. Jay: Wassup, dawg, what happened? What are we, Al Qaeda? Cal: [of his first thoughts on Andy] I kinda thought you were a serial killer. Andy Stitzer: Wow, this place is crowded. And they stalkin' you? You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? Andy Stitzer: It's gonna be fine. Mooj: Hey Andy, don't let him bother you. Jay: You ever heard of rolling twenties, nigga? Smart Tech Customer: Nigga, this dwarf here don't got to be tall to pull a trigger off in somebody face! She was really a... nasty freak. Andy Stitzer: [cuts to Andy singing on a kareoke machine] "Now pretty ladies, around the word. Paula: Andy, when I was young, I developed early. Andy Stitzer: [Covering] Oh! Hmm? Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, yeah, you'd 'tap that.' She just loved to get down with sex all the time. ... they find that Andy is a 40 year old virgin and they decide to … Registration No. Dad at Health Clinic: Oh, shut up Seth, we went to temple. David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts. Andy Stitzer: It's all about connections. She was a ho... for sho'. Beth: [they both laugh] What's your name? Cal: So what about you? So uncool! I always feel bad when I watch it baked because I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot and poor Gandhi is starving his ass off. Motorist: Get the f*** out the road, virgin! Cal: "Gandhi" baked is good. Catch every eye with this cool graphic design, it's sure to turn heads! Mooj: [upon hearing about Andy's promotion] This is the bullshit of all bullshit! The 40-Year-Old Virgin location: speed-dating at Bistro Garden, Ventura Boulevard, Ventura, San Fernando Valley The nightmarish speed-dating scene, with Andy and his workmates meeting a myriad of women via timed, five-minute dates, is at Bistro Garden, 12950 Ventura Boulevard. Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez. This is Ironman, okay? [small chuckles] No. You've been warned, 'aight? "The 40 Year Old Virgin Quotes." Authenticity, Studio Amy: I am not a whore! David: Hey, Haziz, could you give us a minute? Jay: No, no, that's my... She was unattended because I went to the back to get the brochure she requested. You gotta think, patna! Are we Al Qaeda? Jay: [sobbing violently] Because I'm insecure! Andy Stitzer: [after having wax ripped the hair from his nipple] Oh, nipplef***! I mean, you people are sick. Andy Stitzer: How is the mood striking you now? Shop Smart Tech 40 year old virgin t-shirts designed by tvshirts as well as other 40 year old virgin merchandise at TeePublic.